Take a Step Back

Audio By Carbonatix

If we are completely honest, we all know there are times when each of us gets so caught up in what we feel in the moment that we blow things out of proportion and make mountains out of molehills. Before you read the rest of this article, I want to encourage you to stop and actually think about the last time you overreacted to something and then regretted it. Maybe you interpreted a comment differently than somebody meant it. Maybe you got mad at somebody while you were driving. Maybe you got upset with your kids but realized most of your frustration was about something else. 

Often, our outsized reactions come from us getting caught up in the moment and losing sight of the big picture. When we’re lying in bed at the end of the day, will this incident actually matter to us anymore? That is a good question to ask as you go throughout your day and work to figure out the appropriate level of response to any given situation. Getting cut off in traffic is frustrating (and it can be scary), but unless the maneuver was incredibly dangerous, it’s more a case of somebody being careless or thoughtless. It’s not likely something that we will still be thinking about hours later unless it caused an accident. 

The same is true when it comes to responding to comments made in conversation, text messages, or emails. Even if our knee-jerk response when we hear or see the comment is to respond defensively, the vast majority of these situations don’t actually call for us to have that level of reaction. If we give our communication partner the benefit of the doubt, we are likely to realize that there is some kind of misunderstanding happening rather than malice or hostility. 

The same is true in situations with our kids or grandkids. Our child and adolescent therapists at Winning At Home are very skilled at reminding people that often the conflicts between kids and their parents are due to developmental phases and stages of life rather than a child’s desire to “show you up” or rub your face in something. I know that doesn’t make it much less frustrating when a toddler or teen is defiant or disruptive, but it’s helpful to remember that it’s not coming from the same place it would be coming from if you or I were exhibiting that same behavior. 

That’s why I’m encouraging each of us to take a step back. When we react rather than respond to a situation, we are likely to make things worse. When I’m annoyed, frustrated, angry, or hurt, my reaction is probably going to add fuel to the fire. However, when I take a step back, I give myself the chance to think about the bigger picture. This allows me to decide if the particular situation is one that requires me to go all out. Because there is another wrinkle here, too. Even if you’re right, how you choose to handle the conflict can do damage to the relationship. 

Let’s all work to be more careful about the things that we choose to hold tightly to. Even if we feel very strongly about something, let’s take a step back and allow ourselves a moment (or longer, if needed!) to decide the appropriate way to move forward. When we start keeping the bigger picture in mind, we’ll be winning more often at home.