When Our Kids Wander

Audio By Carbonatix

The phone call came at 11:47 p.m. I remember the time because I’d been staring at the ceiling, waiting for it, dreading it, and there it was—my child’s name lighting up the screen, and my stomach dropping before I even answered. I won’t tell you which of my ten kids, or which choice, or which year. If you’ve raised teenagers or young adults long enough, you don’t need the details. You have your own 11:47 p.m. story. Maybe you’re living inside one with your own kids right now.

Here’s what I want to tell you, mama-to-mama, dad-to-dad: the way you respond in that moment—and in the hundred quieter moments before and after it—matters more than you know. Not because your words have magic power to fix your child. They don’t. But because your words can either build a bridge for the Holy Spirit to walk across, or a wedge that takes years, sometimes decades, to chip away. I know, because I’ve built both kinds.

The Wedge We Build Out of Fear

After raising ten kids, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. More than I’d like to admit in print. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the trenches of real, lived-out, messy parenting, it’s this: when we confront our kids’ wrong choices out of fear or anger, we build something between us. A wedge.

It usually doesn’t come out in one blowup. It comes out in the tone. The lecture that goes five minutes too long. The Bible verse we weaponize instead of offer. The silence that follows a slammed door.

We can see, with perfect clarity, that the path our kids are on leads to heartache. We can see it coming a mile off, because we’ve either walked it ourselves or watched someone we love walk it. But here’s the hard truth I’ve had to swallow again and again: no strong words of mine have ever changed a child’s heart. Not once. Only the Holy Spirit can do that.

What my strong words have done, more than once, is push a child further from me—and further from the very God I was trying to point them toward.

The Enemy Attacks Our Kids from Within the Household

I think about King David often these days. Anointed as a boy, called to be king, and through his lineage came the Messiah Himself—Jesus, King of Kings. You’d think a calling that significant would be shielded from the enemy’s schemes. It wasn’t. If anything, it was targeted because of what it carried.

And where did the attack come from? Not from a foreign army. Not from Saul, even, in the end. It came from within David’s own household. Sons who rebelled. Family who betrayed. Grief that David carried into some of the rawest psalms in Scripture.

If there’s an area of your life—your child’s life, your family’s story—where you feel the enemy is trying to steal something precious, take that as a signal, not a defeat. Jesus told us plainly in John 10:10:

"The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." 

The very fact that the enemy is fighting so hard for your kids tells you something: this is an area God desires to bless and prosper. The struggle you’re in the middle of right now is not the end of the story.

What We Do While We Wait

Last night we had small group at our house. As we shared pieces of our past with each other—openly, the way you can only do with people who’ve earned your trust—one thing stood out. Almost every one of us lived a self-focused life before we knew the Lord. We made big mistakes. We sinned in ways we still carry regret over. We hurt people we loved.

And now, decades later, sitting in that living room, our greatest longing is to see our own children walk with the Lord and skip some of the potholes we fell into. Some will. Some won’t. But God knows the end of every one of our children’s stories, even the chapters we can’t bear to read right now.

So what do we do in the meantime? I look to David again—specifically 1 Samuel 24. Chased, threatened, cornered, David didn’t respond by scheming or forcing an outcome. He asked the Lord. He prayed. He trusted that God would answer. He trusted in God’s protection, even when the protection didn’t look the way he expected.

That’s the posture I’m trying to grow into with my own kids. Not control. Not fear dressed up as concern. Not anger dressed up as truth. Prayer. Trust. 

Yet I do not wait just twiddling my thumbs. Instead, I wait, pray, and seek the Lord’s guidance. Galatians 5:16 says:

"So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves." 

That’s not just an instruction for our kids—it’s for us, first. Because our sinful nature craves control just as much as theirs craves rebellion.

Truth, Yes. But Tenderness First.

Here’s something worth sitting with: when you look at whom Jesus confronted sharply in Scripture, it wasn’t the wayward, the broken, or those caught in obvious sin. It was the Pharisees—the ones convinced they were already righteous, already better, already had it figured out. The ones who were hurting, lost, and openly struggling? Jesus moved toward them with tenderness. The woman at the well. Zacchaeus up in his tree. The woman caught in adultery, kneeling in the dust.

If Jesus led with tenderness toward the wandering, who am I to lead with anything less toward my own children?

This doesn’t mean we stay silent about truth. Love doesn’t mean pretending sin isn’t sin, or that consequences aren’t real. But it does mean the way we speak that truth matters as much as the truth itself. 

Friend, share your heart instead of your fear. Show your kids, again and again, that you’re there to love them—not to fix them, not to control them, not to win an argument with them—simply to love them, the way the Lord loves us in our own wandering seasons.

Fixing Our Eyes Further Out

Susan Hunt wrote something that has stuck with me for years:

That’s true for me. It’s true for you. And it’s true for our sons and daughters, even now, even in the middle of whatever hard chapter they’re writing.

Answered prayers for our children don’t sprout from quick fixes, ultimatums, or the perfect confrontation delivered at exactly the right moment. They grow from years of looking ahead—eyes fixed on Jesus and the future He has in store, unwavering, even when the present looks nothing like the promise.

So tonight, if your phone lights up at 11:47 p.m., or if you’re simply lying awake worrying about a choice your child is making in plain daylight, let me leave you with this: speak truth, but let mercy soften it. Set boundaries, but let love carry them. And above everything else, invite the Holy Spirit into the room before you open your mouth.

Jesus is the only one who’s ever truly changed a heart. Mine included.

A Prayer for the Parent’s Heart

Heavenly Father, thank You that You love my children even more than I do. In the moments when fear threatens to overtake me, wrap my heart in Your peace. Soften my words with Your mercy, ground my spirit in Your truth, and remind me that only Your Holy Spirit can truly change a heart. Help me to let go of control, to trust You with every step of my children’s journey, and to keep building bridges of love back to You. Give me grace for today and unwavering hope for tomorrow. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

An Exciting Opportunity

Have you ever dreamed of walking the cobblestone streets of Europe and stepping right into the pages of history? I would love to invite you to join me for a special adventure in August 2027. We are heading to the breathtaking city of Prague!

Writing historical fiction and navigating the homeschool journey has shown me that a beautiful adventure begins when we step into the very places where history was made. 

The 2027 Prague Experience offers three unique paths to fit your heart’s calling:

• The Mission Experience: Serve alongside local ministries and build meaningful relationships within the community.
• The Homeschool Experience: Bring history, literature, culture, and faith to life through immersive education for your family.
• The Leisure Experience: Take in the stunning architecture, enjoy authentic Czech cuisine, and share wonderful fellowship.

We will discover historic landmarks and celebrate a rich Christian heritage together. The itinerary is being finalized right now, and there is no obligation to simply learn more.

Join the priority list today to receive early registration opportunities, pricing details, and special updates directly from me!