By Cally Logan, Crosswalk.com
First dates are both exhilarating and nerve-racking at the same time. It is so exciting to go out with someone new, and to get that special one-on-one time.
Often it can be hard enough to get over the butterflies in your stomach to think of good questions to ask, but the answers that unfold through well-thought-out questions may just unlock even more beauty than you could have ever dreamed possible.
Next time you go out on a date, whether it be the first or even a few dates into a relationship, consider asking some of these conversation-starting questions.
Thought-Provoking Questions to Ask
Asking thought-provoking questions is a dynamic way to get to know someone even better. Not simply asking about the basics of the name of where they work or where they live, but really posing some deep diving questions will be different in a good way.
- What makes you feel most yourself?
An uncommon question, but one that you may even find yourself asking in your own mind is what makes her feel most herself? What activities or hobbies help her to feel refreshed?
Perhaps spending time in nature charges her spirit, or escaping into a good book. Consider and share some of the things that make you feel the most, “you” because she will be intrigued about your charging methods as well.
- What is the most important aspect of your life?
The most important aspect, or the thing she could not live without can be very telling of some of her principal beliefs, dreams, or ambitions. This question may highlight some red flags, but it can also be a catalyst for green lights ahead as well.
See where her passions really abide and what is central to her life now and ongoing.
- What was your childhood like?
It is crazy to think how the first eighteen years of our lives can often form, shape, and have great impact on the remainder of our lives, but it is something to bring up in discussions.
What was her family like? Was she particularly close to her father or mother more? What were some of the parts of her childhood that helped make her who she is today? Asking in depth questions about family can help you see why or how she became the woman she is today, and it can also give opportunity to examine what she may be like as a wife or mother as well.
Fun Questions to Ask
Growing up I remember being taught that whether you are the one asking the questions, or someone is asking you something to not just give a simple “yes” or “no” answer, rather open up a little so that the conversation and communication can have place to grow.
Dates are a wonderful place to dive deep into talk, but remember it can be fun and light-hearted too.
- What is your Myers-Briggs or Enneagram type?
In recent years these personality tests have become wildly popular, and it is amazing to uncover how different aspects or angles of these tests can reveal a lot about a person. Perhaps you can see where you share in a similarity, complement one another, or have a contrast.
Personality tests additional assist in helping better to understand how someone may live their life. For example, Myers-Briggs covers aspects such as introversion or extroversion, as well as methodical or more spontaneous in action.
- What are your favorites?
A favorite song, movie, or place almost always will have a very particular reasoning attached that really hints to some core aspects of a person. Favorite songs may reveal not just the type of genre someone likes, but the lyrics could express how someone feels, or how they see the world.
Inquiring about a favorite movie often uncovers heart roots of something she has experienced, or what she may long to see occur in a form in her own world. Often times even asking her favorite Disney Princess can reveal gems of her heart that source back from when she was a young girl. Don’t just take the answers at face value, tunnel deeper and you may be surprised what all you find.
- What are your dreams?
We all have those inner dreams that were born as children. From dream jobs to dream homes or dream adventures, every girl has a dream in her heart. Ask your date what her dreams are, and be specific. Ask how that dream has evolved over time, or how experiences have changed those dreams over time.
Don’t be afraid to share your dreams with her too, you may just find you together can share in a new dream.
Spiritual Questions to Ask
Though it looks extremely different than the norm of society, asking about faith is really part of the groundwork of getting to know someone, especially in a romantic setting. Don’t stray away from really seeing where she stands on faith, and where Christ stands in her own life.
- Are you a Christ Follower?
Perhaps the most important question to ask is where she stands when it comes to faith. Paul reminds in 2 Corinthians 6 the benefits of coming into relationship and marrying someone who shares in your foundational beliefs as a Christian.
Does she have a personal and intimate relationship with Jesus, and how does that play out in her life? You do not have to agree on all the little facets that come up among believers, such as when to be baptized or how often to take communion, but ensuring that you share in the same rooted faith will produce fruit later on in a relationship.
- What is your faith background?
Another aspect of faith to inquire about is her background of knowing God. Did she grow up in a Christian home, or did she come to faith as an adult? These questions are not deal breakers, but they can help you have a glimpse of a potential future and how she may want to raise children one day.
It is also a place where seeing common traditions hold a special place to her. Having more of a glimpse of how she came to grow closer with God can provide you with a lot of a clarity of what faith looks like in her world.
- How do you want to see God in a relationship?
Asking her about the role of God in your relationship will shed light on what a foundation may look like together. Ecclesiastes 4 reminds us that a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken, meaning that if God is the center of your relationship it will have a strong and firm basis.
Ask her how she would want to see you both pursue each other through Christ, and what pursuing Christ together as a couple could look like. This may give her insight into your faith as well and encourage her in her journey in following His lead.
Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine How You Feel
As you thoughtfully listen and really remain present during your date, recapping in your own brain or asking yourself questions, later on, can help you collect your thoughts on the date. Invite the Lord into this time as well and see what the Holy Spirit may ask you or reveal to you after your time together.
- Can I trust this person?
Trust is key in any relationship, be it a friendship or beyond. It can be hard to know fully after a first date if you can allow someone to have something as sacred as trust, but typically after some time together you will have a gut feeling is she is someone you can see yourself trusting with your heart.
Consider relationships of those you know who have that carry trust among each other well, and even seek the advice or guidance of those you have a built trust with for their two cents.
- Would we help each other spiritually?
The most important relationship you will ever have is that of your relationship with God, and second to that most sacred relationship is the one you will have romantically with a partner. Really consider how she answered or shared about her own walk, and take that into consideration in if you would be equally yoked.
Would she help you grow closer to God? Would you be a couple with hearts, minds, and lives aligned for the purpose of the Kingdom of God?
- Do we complement each other?
The only marriage that was ever perfect for a time was that of Adam and Eve before the Fall of Man. Genesis 2 shares that God made Eve to be a help-meet, or a complement to Adam.
Does this girl complement you well? Not merely the similarities or things you have in common, but does she appear to have strengths where you may have a weakness? Or would you be a good team together? Does she have “rib” status potential?
These are important questions to ask yourself, because if you are going to invest time and your heart, you want to make sure you are doing so with someone you see potential with.
Dates early on can be full of memories, revelations, and are often very telling of how a relationship may go. Asking well-thought-out questions or unique questions can help you gather even more of a glimpse of her special heart and if you would be a good fit. Ask away!
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages
Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. In her free time, she enjoys leading a high school girls’ small group, cooking, and spending time in tree houses. Her latest books, Dear Young Sparrow and Unveiled are available on Amazon and at Barnes and Noble. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter, @CallyLogan.