Love as a Choice, Not Just a Feeling - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional

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Love as a Choice, Not Just a Feeling
By Carrie Lowrance

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, it is always hopeful, and endures through any circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

When people think of love, they often think of the strong emotions we read about in books, see in movies, and hear sung about in songs. The portrayal of love in marriage shows a powerful emotion, and it is. While love is important, true marital love is more than just feelings. Biblical love is a choice to act intentionally for another person’s good. 

If you’re like me, you love a good love story. I love getting lost in the plot of a book or movie where everything works out. Give me a Hallmark or Great American Family movie or a Karen Kingsbury, Jessie Gussman, or Alexa Verde book, and I’m all in. The thing that makes me sad is that our modern media portrays love as a feeling, not a choice. Especially with marriage.

The thing that’s scary about this is that feelings can change from day to day. I love my husband dearly, but some days we get on each other’s nerves. We have disagreements from time to time. Does this mean I don’t love him anymore? Of course not! We’ve been together a long time and have gone through a lot of things, and I love him. I choose to love him regardless of everything we have gone through and will go through. Now, if I relied only on my feelings, we would be in trouble, because feelings are fickle. 

Instead, I choose love. Consistently choosing love strengthens a covenant marriage. By choosing love, you choose to act lovingly even when emotions are running high, tired, hurt, or unresponsive. This means still choosing love during an argument, when you’re exhausted, when you feel hurt, and when your spouse is unresponsive. Choosing love means you choose your marriage every single time. 

Choosing love means…

• Speaking with kindness instead of irritation.
• Forgiving quickly.
• Serving each other without keeping score.
• Even when it’s difficult, pray for your spouse.
• Listening to your spouse with empathy instead of defensiveness.
• Helping your spouse when they need it.

Why This Matters in Marriage…

• Contrary to popular portrayal, a marriage cannot last on emotions alone.
• When you choose love, you build trust, safety, and security.
• When you repeat loving actions, you can reignite affection and deepen intimacy.

How You Can Choose Love

This week, choose one loving action you can do daily for your spouse.

• A word of affirmation.
• A minor act of service.
• A moment of prayer together before work, after work, or before bed.
• Pausing before responding to conflict.

No matter where your marriage is at this moment, love is a choice and not just a feeling to experience. If you have trouble with this, ask God to help you choose love, even if it’s hard. When you choose love daily, your marriage is an example of love, faith, and grace.

Let’s Pray…
Dear Lord, thank you for your gift of marriage and for your perfect example of what love looks like. Help us love as a choice, a solid commitment, and a daily act of grace. When emotions are strong, let us be thankful. When emotions are weak, help us remain faithful with patient hearts, kind words, and humble spirits. Let us forgive quickly, serve happily, and honor one another deeply. I pray that you will strengthen our marriage and let our love reflect your everlasting love. Help us choose love every day. In your name I pray. Amen.

Reflection Questions…

• Am I choosing love in my marriage or running on just feelings?
• Do I want to choose love over feelings?
• Do I wait to feel loving before I act lovingly?
• What area of our marriage requires more intentional love from me?
• How can I reflect the love of Jesus to my spouse this week?

Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/simonapilolla

Carrie Lowrance is a freelance writer and author. Several platforms, including Crosswalk, iBelieve, Huffington Post, and The Penny Hoarder, have showcased her work. She is also the author of the clean romance series, The Steele Family Saga. When she’s not writing, she enjoys cooking and baking, reading, and hanging out with her husband and sweet cat, Cupcake. You can find out more about Carrie and her writing at www.carrielowrance.com.

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